Elaine's Story

I woke up with a sudden start, and my crystal blue eyes just happened to fly right to the worn down picture frame in the back of my newly painted, white desk. I sighed, feeling the rush of sadness and betrayal take over me. We were both smiling wide, pure happiness written across our faces. Hers tan, and mine as pale as a ghost. Her dark brown hair was put up into a messy bun, sunburn covering the entirety of her small, skinny body visible thanks to her black one-piece swimsuit. Her brown eyes shining as bright as the sunset behind us. My bright curly red hair was tangled into somewhat of a ponytail, and I was bent down to her level. I look down to find words that read Kaylie & I. I turn my head away quickly, not wanting to remember. Not wanting to remember the way we laughed at small things, or the way we could read each other’s minds because we knew each other so well. We were best friends, and met the first year of high school when we both took poetry class. It still burns, the feeling of betrayal that came and still hasn’t left. Three years worth of memories, all down the drain for what? A group of fake, popular girls that will never like her for who she really is, never will accept her. But it’s not my place to tell her that, she’ll have to find that out all on her own, and she will sooner or later. 

 

A moment later  there’s a knock on my bedroom door. “Elaine!” mom calls. “You’re going to be late for school, you’ve already missed the bus.” A second passes before I jump up swearing, looking at my alarm clock, and seeing that school started in about 20 minutes. It takes me 25 minutes to get to school. I throw on a wrinkled plaid shirt from the depths of my closet, and some rundown jeans. Not caring about my messy mane of red hair, I rush to the kitchen and grab a protein bar. Mom comes into the room and asks if I need a ride to school, and I decline saying that I’ll drive myself. She always looks exhausted, but today she looks more drained than ever. She worries about me a lot, I can tell. Her cheekbones are more defined on her pale face, and the shadows under her eyes are highly visible. Her curly red hair is twisted into a bun and she’s wearing yesterday’s clothes. Her light brown eyes are filled with so much concern, it scares me. Being an only child, I constantly hold all the attention. She makes my business, her business, and it annoys the living hell out of me. Dad worries just as much, but he’s never home. Every week he travels for business, visiting what seems to be a different state each time.

 

“Are you sure, Elaine? Maybe we can catch up and talk on the way there.” She suggests, and I shake my head in response. I wasn’t ready to talk about the bullying, nor did I want to even though I knew the conversation would be inevitable. She immediately wears a frown making me feel guilty, but I have to go. 

 

It was late October in Maine, and I couldn’t help but appreciate the colorful leaves that filled the streets. The beauty of it all always takes my breath away, making me want to stay in fall forever. The beach was only ten minutes from my house, but I stopped going a month or two ago. Everything was ice cold. The salt water. The sand. The waves. High Schoolers still go there all the time though, not caring if they aren’t able to swim, or tan. I found it odd, going to the beach when it was 45 degrees out, maybe because I only prefer to go when it’s in the 70s and 80s. 

 

I’m thinking about my halloween plans, and all of a sudden I’m pulling up in my school parking lot with my car that barely works. I check my watch, and realize that history class starts less than a minute. I jump out of my car and start racing towards the front doors only to almost get run over by a Mercedes. I lean over to catch my breath on the sidewalk, while hearing the sounds of obnoxious laughter behind me. I turn around, and quickly wish that I hadn’t. Chloe Smith, the most popular girl in school is staring at me, with the most evil smirk plastered on her face. Her bleached blonde hair shone as the morning sun reflected off of it, her green eyes not visible under her designer sunglasses. Her neon pink jacket must’ve cost more, I think to myself. Her front window is rolled down far enough that I can see her friends dying of laughter, including Kaylie, and my face turns red. Not today I think to myself. Chloe calls out to me, but I ignore it,  walking away with my head held high even though it kills me to do so. On a normal day, I wouldn’t be bothered. I would completely ignore her rude comments, and judgy looks because I knew how crappy of a person she was. I was unapologetically myself, and nobody could ever take that away from me, including her. What really bothered was the fact that Kaylie was in Chloe’s car, looking amused, as if we were never friends. As if we were never best friends. 

 

My hands are still shaking by the time I run into the school building. Must be new. I’m a couple of minutes late, but I decide to skip the late pass. I sneak into the large classroom, praying that nobody noticed, but to no avail. Mrs. Jean shoots me a look of annoyance as I sit down attempting to find my homework from the night before. “Miss Gray, where is your late pass?” I shrug with a pronounced look of confusion on my face, that sent everyone into laughing fits. Apparently, everyone finds my facial expressions funny. “Settle down everyone!” Mrs. Jean yells a few seconds later, “Or else you will all get Fs today.” That just about shut everyone up. I glance around, trying to find one of my two close friends, Brian. Finally, I spot him across the room, and see him smiling at me. His smiles are my absolute favorite, I don’t think I’ll ever tire of them. From the very first time I met him two years ago, I knew that we would be inseparable. We were both alike in the sense that we were highly unpopular due to our crazy personalities. We weren’t afraid to be ourselves, and still aren’t, that hasn’t changed. We’re still making eye contact as he points to his pink sequin shirt, wanting to show it off for his crush Ryan, (who’s also currently across the room) and I give him a thumbs up. He also gives me a look that says What the hell are you wearing? I look down, unbothered, and shrug. He should know by now that i never dress to impress, unlike him. Some girls spend $50 dollars on trendy shirts and jeans, but I could never do that. I do care about how nice I look, but would never buy clothes to wear for someone else’s approval. Usually I’d put my hair up, maybe some powder or mascara, but this morning was an exception. Brian rolled his eyes clearly disapproving of my outfit. I stuck my tongue out at him. 

 

Somehow, I forgot about what had transpired that morning, until I ran into Kaylie in the hallway and everything came flying back. The way she laughed at me, the look of unfamiliarity in her cold eyes. I stumbled back, trying to regain my balance.  There she was, staring up at me as if I were something she had stepped on. The look of disgust was written all over her face. Yet. The emotion hadn’t seemed real in the least bit. I could tell it was forced, unnatural. Was it to impress someone? I almost thought she looked a bit guilty as Chloe came sauntering up behind her. Chloe smirked commenting about how ugly I looked in my plaid shirt. I was about to thank her, sarcastically, when Kaylie slightly nodded in agreement with her, not bothering to look at my face. I think my jaw dropped open, and chloe laughed, amused. Kaylie looked proud of herself. A few seconds after the shock faded away, I flipped them both off, some of my confidence coming back to me. I couldn’t believe what just happened. She really did become just like them. I think a part of me had been in denial, not wanting to believe it. I hope she saw the hurt in my eyes, as I walked away. 

 

At lunch, I’m extremely miserable, still not over the hallway confrontation. Kasey, and Brian shoot confused looks my way, expecting me to tell them what had happened, but I shake my head. A couple of minutes later, Melissa Anderson sits down next to Brain, and pulls out her math sheet. Not a lot of people like Melissa and Maria because they were known for gossiping and spreading rumors, but that doesn’t change the fact that Melissa’s a sweet person. Still, I’m not going to take chances until I know she’s  trustworthy enough to speak to, the last thing I need is this confrontation spreading. Kasey finally asks what’s wrong and I reply with “I’ll tell you guys later, I’m just not up to talking about it right now.” I didn’t look up, but I could tell Kasey and Brian shared glances. 

 

“It’s okay Lainy, just rant to us later. We can all go out for coffee after school or something.” Kasey smiles down at me, and briefly pulls me into a hug. It’s an effort to smile back. 

 

After last period, I drive Kasey, Elaine and Brian to the local coffee shop. I met Kasey a couple days after I met Brian. She was new, and I remember thinking that she was going to join Chloe’s group. I was jealous over the fact she looked like a model straight from the runway. Her blue eyes accented her black curly hair, and brown skin. She looked to be almost as fake, and perfect as Chloe, but she wasn’t. Thank God for that. She walked around school telling everyone of her bug collection, going into great detail about how she found them and what she named them. When everyone left her, Brian, Kaylie and I welcomed her into our small group, and we’ve known each other ever since. 

 

When we arrive, we all sit down at a small table in the corner of the shop. Continuing  our ongoing conversation about Chloe’s ridiculous halloween party Saturday night, the topic was suddenly changed when we saw Macie Masters sitting with her teammates, far away enough that they couldn’t hear us. We talked about the girl’s volleyball team, and the people on it for another five minutes or so. 

 

I laughed and was about to mention something, and stopped short when I saw kaylie walk through the door, followed by chloe and her girls. She was wearing a revealing, lacy shirt that looked like it could be worn in July, not October. I did a double take, shocked that she would be wearing something that was so unlike her. So different from what she usually wore. She must’ve changed after school, they all must’ve. I frowned, unpleasantly surprised, and she saw it. Once again that flash of guilt came across her face, before she turned away,  ignoring our unwelcome looks. Brian swore a couple of minutes later when he noticed Kaylie and chloe looking at us over their shoulders. They were snickering about Brian’s shirt. Kaylie couldn’t stop laughing, and it made my blood boil. I was so fed up with Kaylie and the way she’s been acting. It’s been two days since she’s left us, and suddenly she thinks she’s a thousand times better? I get up before I know what I am doing, and take Kasey’s coffee straight out of her hands. She gasped in surprise, protesting, but I couldn’t hear her over the continuous sound of laughter. Next thing I know, I’m throwing the top lid of the coffee off, pouring it over both Chloe and Kaylie’s heads, soaking their faces, and clothes in burning hot liquid. I don’t have to look to know that everyone in the shop is staring at me in absolute shock. I don’t feel regret now, but I’m sure I'll feel it later. Before words can leave my mouth, Kaylie gets the opportunity to speak first. 

 

“How dare you?” She yells, never sounding more upset. Truly upset.  My heart drops to the floor, having never heard so much anger in her voice. “What makes you think you can just walk up and do that to us, when all we’ve done is leave you alone?” I speak up, but am cut off again. “It’s sad to think that I was ever even friends with you, I was always too good for you. You should care that nobody likes you, I know I would. Start caring, and don’t ever look or talk to me again.” And with that, she struts out of the building in an uncharacteristic way, chloe walking behind her. I was full on shaking now, too embarrassed to look anywhere but down. Everyone started moving around again, as if nothing ever happened, but there were still whispers. 

 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and shook it off not caring that it was Kasey’s. I stole her drink from her, I should feel bad, but I don’t. The emotion can’t come to me, because it’s drowned out by the sadness, filling up my heart. The heart I once loved Kaylie with. We could never go back, her and I. Why did I do that? I just ruined it for good, all because I let her and Chloe get to me. I’ve never let Chloe get to me before, never cared about her cruel words or judgement. I was too busy being myself to care what other people thought. So what If I don't dress to impress everyday, or if I’m loud or expressive? So what If I’m not apart of the fake group? I try to search for that confidence that was in me not that long ago, but I can’t find it. I try to think positively about myself, but fail miserably when all I can think about are the negatives. You aren’t beautiful like them. You hang out with the weird kids. You’re too loud, you’re psychotic.  I step back, and almost trip when Brain touches my arm, in what was meant to be a comforting way, but wasn’t. My breaths become shallow. 

 

“Elaine?” He says, clearly worried. “Elaine, you’re worrying me. What’s going on?” I need to get out of here before I lose it in front of everyone. I might’ve already. Kasey comes into my line of vision with a frown on her stunning face. I can only manage “I’m sorry” before I run out of the building, and into my parked car. A thought in the back of my head reminds me that they didn’t have a ride home. I ignore it and keep going, the anxiety and fear taking over me. 

 

    I wake up the next morning not wanting to go to school, not wanting to face my friends, or Chloe and Kaylie. The self hatred hasn’t gone away, it seems to only be growing. My face is crusty with dried tears and mascara. I look, and feel like a huge train wreck. I glance at my phone, and notice five missed calls, three from Brain, and two from Kasey. I decide to click on one of Brian’s. “Elaine? I know you’re hearing these. Both Kasey and I are extremely worried about you. Please call us back, and we can talk this out. We love you.” Brian’s voice shuts off with a loud beep. 

 

I ignore the message, walk into the bathroom, and splash my face with ice cold water. I also manage to put clothes on. The word worthless echos inside my mind, over and over. Who am I? I rush to the front door, ignoring the pained face my mom makes. “Elaine-wait!” I slam the door, and walk to my car. As soon as I get into the school building, I’m surrounded by whispers and smirks. “Elaine threw coffee all over Chloe Smith and Kaylie Thompson. I saw it myself.” It was Maria Estevez’s voice, I think. I keep my head bowed, not that it helps though. I’m about to round a corner when I hear my name being called. Brian. I start to walk faster, but it’s no use. He grabs my arms and spins me to face him. I have no choice but to look at his face, and what I see breaks my heart all over again. Confusion. Sadness. Anger. It’s silent before he speaks, I look at him not being able to make eye contact.

 

 “Elaine, what the hell is wrong with you? I get that you’re upset about what happened yesterday, but that doesn’t mean we have to suffer for your screwed up actions. We were worried sick about you, and called you but you never picked up. We had to call Kasey’s sister to pick us up from the shop, because you decided to ditch us. Don’t let Kaylie’s words get to you, because I know they are. You’re way better than that. When you finally decide that you are, Kasey, Melissa and I will be here waiting.” And with that, Brian walked away leaving me in the hallway, speechless. Kasey shoots me a sharp look as she joined Brian. I turn around and see Chloe’s smirk at the far end of the hallway. Kaylie wasn’t that far behind Chloe, her expression holding a hint of amusement. They knew they were getting to me, and, for the sake of it, I couldn’t let that to continue to happen.

 

As I parked in my driveway five hours later, I could already see mom waiting for me in the doorway. I swear, knowing there was no way out of this. I walk into the house, to find mom sitting down with some tea. She smiles and pats the empty cushion next to her, and I hesitantly sit down. “I know something’s going on with you, and I don’t know what but I’d like to know.” She says calmly to me. I sigh and tell her everything, from the second I almost got ran over by Chloe’s Mercedes yesterday, to the moment Brian walked away from me earlier. It felt good to let go, to tell her what has been happening to me. She’s briefly silent, trying to think of the right words to say, and I can’t help but appreciate her thoughtfulness. She reaches out, and hugs me to her. 

 

“I’m sorry about Kaylie, I never Imagined her going down that path, but I had guessed so when she stopped hanging out with you last week. I know it’s hard being yourself, because there will always be people who will give you hell for it, but it’s worth it. You have something that nobody will ever be able to take away from you, and their jealous. They’re jealous of your confidence, because they aren’t confident enough to be themselves. They want to be something they’re not, just to fit in with a group of people, who also aren’t themselves. Having a couple of real friends is a thousand times better than having eight fake friends. It looks like you found your real friends, don’t let them go.” I’m crying by the time she finishes. Everything comes back to me through her wise words. My purpose. My confidence. My worth. I can’t believe I ever doubted myself, ever thought about being something that I’m not. I smile at her through my tears, and thank her. I didn’t know how much I needed her, until now.

    I speed over to Brain’s house, knowing that both him and Kasey are there, maybe even Melissa. I walk into his room, nobody else home, and see the three of them talking on his bed. They give me a look of surprise before it turns into anger. I’m going to speak first, and they’re going to listen. 

 

“Before you all scream at me, I just wanted to come here and apologise for all the hurt I've caused the both of you this past day. I lost myself, and was able to find myself again. I really don’t deserve you guys, especially after I left the shop. I understand if you’re both still mad, but please, accept this apology.” I rub my eyes, not wanting to cry again. Both Kasey and Brian look at each other and smile, then attack me in a huge hug, laughing. “We knew you’d come around!” Brain exclaims. “You should confront Kaylie though” Kasey adds, and I nod knowing that I had to. I didn’t want a crowd, or a fight, I just want a peaceful closure to what we had. After hugging them, I go over and hug Melissa. I heard that she broke things off with Maria, and i couldn’t be more happy for her. I gave her a little wink, before saying “Welcome to the group.”

 

Monday morning, I’m a mess and a half, but I know I had to do what was right. I texted her, asking her to meet me by my history class before it started. She responded with a brief “okay”. Nobody was around, which made it the perfect time. When she walks up to me, she has this sad, but determined look on her face. A part of me wants to come out and say sorry for the other day, but I’m not, not really. She has one of Chloe’s expensive, trendy tops on, with jeans I’ve never seen her wear. She had her green coat on, the one that she’s worn for at least the past two years, because it’s around forty five degrees out, and raining. I look at her straight in the eyes, wanting to get this over as soon as possible. I don’t want to hear her reply. 

 

“There’s so many questions that I have, so many things I wish I could say to you, but I won’t. You betrayed us, and destroyed three years of friendship for Chloe Smith, the girl we used to laugh at for being fake. It’s funny because your fake now too. I hope one day you'll wake up and realize what you’ve done to yourself. I won’t be there when you do. I hope you get what you deserve.” She looks sad, but not surprised. When I walk away for the last time, down that hallway, she doesn’t even try to stop me.