Kaylie's Story

I couldn’t believe it at first. It all happened when I was walking to my mom’s minivan (I have four other siblings) after school one day, still laughing about Brian Lewis’s joke, when out of nowhere Chloe calls my name. I froze, expecting some sort of insult to be shot my way, that is, until she smiled at me. What type of game was this girl playing? She was always mean to us, especially Elaine, I didn’t like that, but I wanted to hear what she had to say. She walked closer, noticed that I wasn’t running away, and took that as a good sign. 

 

“I really love that sweater, It looks so good on you! I think I saw a couple of those at the mall, wanna go sometime?” There was an awkward pause. She was looking at me expectantly, as If I was mentally capable of responding, which I wasn’t at the time. I didn’t know what to think or say. All I knew was that my mouth said yes, and I felt a surprising burst of satisfaction right after. She clapped and did a little jump, not looking the least bit surprised. She pushed a tiny scrap of paper with her number on it, into my hand and strutted away, winking at me. Shoot.  How was I going to explain this to Elaine, or Kasey, and Brain? I knew for a fact that they were going to hate me, so I decided not to. What a mistake that was. 

 

Somehow, Elaine found out about it that night (Chloe probably told her), and completely stopped talking to me along with Brian, and Kasey. There was nothing for me to say or explain, no defense that I had. So, I did the only thing I saw as an option, and left to be with Chloe’s group. I knew deep down that I did something horrible, but It was easier to pretend like I didn’t. I learned that ignoring unwanted emotions, helped sate the pain of not being their friend anymore. With that, I realized that there was something nice in not constantly being made fun of, not being looked down upon because of who you are. Even though I was just as loud as Elaine Grey, just as crazy as Brian Lewis, and just as expressive as Kasey Mcbrien, I was never liked as much as Chloe Smith was, and that bothered me. Joining Chloe’s clique was an opportunity to rid me of being bullied. I decided that I would be a fool to not take it, even if It meant losing the people who loved me for me. 

 

It’s a day or two later, and I’m in Chloe’s Mercedes with her three other friends. Katherine, Becca (short for Rebecca) and Lily. Katherine Coleman is Chloe’s most trusted friend. I would Know, because she brags about it. ALL the time. She made it sound like it was as honorable as winning a presidential medal, and to her I’m sure it was. With Long, curly, brown hair, and stunning brown eyes, she was gorgeous just to look at. Her light brown skin contrasted against the revealing top she had on, not caring that It was the month October. I couldn’t decide wether it was stupid or admirable. Becca Johnson, unfortunately, was even more annoying then Katherine was. She wouldn’t stop talking trash about people, a quality that all of these girls shared. She’s tiny, has a slim figure, and bleached blonde hair that was already growing out of its roots. Lily Kennedy is the ‘realest’ out of the three. Because of this, she was more likeable to me, even though our emotions were equally fake around the group. Her natural strawberry blonde hair reminded me of Elaine’s untamed red curls, even though I didn’t want to admit it to myself, because that would result in guilt. Not something I can afford to feel. 

 

We were speeding through the school parking lot, at least fifteen minutes late, but nobody seemed to care much. They told me that they often skip classes, and only go when they want to. I hesitantly joked about how much detention they must have...It turns out they don’t go to that either. I never skipped classes, until yesterday when they decided to ‘dip’ midday. I prayed to god that my parents wouldn’t find out because they would murder me if they did. Chloe's feet slamming on the breaks, and the sound of panic brought me back. There was a moment of silence followed by fits of laughter, instigated by the one and only. I looked out my window, and there was Elaine, leaning over and panting on the sidewalk like she just ran a marathon and a half. I started laughing with the other girls, but nothing about it felt right. Sadness and guilt filled my heart, but my face masked it with cold amusement.

 

I glance directly at her, only to catch her looking at me with betrayal and hurt plastered all over her pale face. She walked away, her head held high, never looking back as we drove to a parking spot. “How pathetic is she, almost getting run over. I feel bad for the poor girl.” Chloe stated. The three girls nodded as I looked down, not wanting to remember the way she looked at me. The girls continued to insult her, and when they all looked at me with expectation, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. That could’ve been me they were making fun of, in fact, that used to be me. That’s what made this whole situation surreal. When did they decide to start looking at me differently? I didn’t want to believe that they were using me, but there must’ve been some ulterior motive. I knew what I was getting myself into by joining these girls, one wrong move and you’re gone. Pull all the right strings, and you’re safe. 

 

We walked into the building, and quickly split up, heading in the direction of our classes. I run to my class, thinking that nobody else is in the hallway, and accidentally end up crashing into Kasey. I jump back, muttering an apology, not wanting to make eye contact until I do. My breathing becomes ragged as I am reminded of the first time we met two years ago. I was laughing with Melissa Anderson ( a fellow classmate)  about something, and bumped into her, smashing my reading glasses. As I looked up, I vaguely remembered Brian and Elaine talking about how cool she was. Apparently she was extremely dedicated to helping the environment, and collected bugs as pets (or something). She didn’t look like the type of girl that would be openly interested in that stuff, but it only made me love her even more. She wasn’t afraid to be herself, to share what she was passionate about, and that struck me. I was jealous that the bullying didn’t bother her, as much as it did me. She was confident, something that I wasn’t. Tears sprung to my eyes, as the memory faded away. 

 

She backed away, not caring that she was close to the brick wall, staring at me like I was a complete stranger. At the last second, she shook her head in what had to be disappointment, and walked off. I fell against the wall, letting a rush of emotions over take me for the first time in two days. Was all of this really worth it? Was not being made fun of worth this? Tears poured down my face like rain, as old memories came rushing back. 

 

The first time I met Elaine. We were both freshman, and were without friends. I was quiet, and therefore blended in easily. I heard whispers floating around about the ‘crazy freshman girl’ that everyone purposefully avoided. She was loud, humorous, and energetic. Sure there were ‘class clowns’, but she wasn’t one of them. She loved to make people smile and laugh, but only to an extent. She didn’t want that label, didn't want to appear as if she wasn’t passionate or serious about things, because she was. She was full of life, and was something I wanted to be apart of. People were less cruel to her back then, and I clearly didn’t think through the fact that I would be picked on as well. I was confused by her lack of care for what others thought about her. She couldn’t be bothered, so to see her so bothered now, so broken, it killed me inside. But, I couldn’t go back to be picked on. Couldn’t go back to being depressed because of who I was friends with. For me, the truth I believed in was nothing short of cruel. But I don’t think I could continue to do that to myself. 

 

I got up from sitting on the ground, and wiped the emotion right off my face. I had to do this for myself, for my happiness. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. The bell had rung, and students filled the hallways. I started walking towards the science room, and abruptly ran into Elaine. Funny, considering the run in I had with Kasey earlier. 

I caught a glance of Chloe coming up behind me at the same time, and knew that was my chance. My chance to make up for earlier, in the car when I didn’t say anything. I had to prove to her that I was just as capable of being rude as the rest of them even though it was highly unnatural for me. I looked up at Elaine with absolute disgust, and in return, she looked extremely confused and hurt. Not that I could blame her. I would feel the same way if that happened to me, and that’s what made it so hard. That horrible feeling of guilt sprung up again, and I pushed it back down. 

 

     Chloe came up behind me, just as Elaine was backing away, and commented on how ugly Elaine’s plaid shirt was. Elaine never really gave much thought into how she dressed or what she looks like, and it shows. Chloe looked at me, as if my look of disgust wasn’t already enough, and I nodded in agreement. Chloe’s face lit up with a laugh, making me proud that I finally pleased her. As I was smiling with Chloe, I caught the look on Elaine’s face as she walked away, and flipped us off. The pride was short lived.

 

    Walking to the parking lot with Chloe, and the girls, I tried to forget about what happened with Elaine, and Kasey. I had to live with this now that I wasn’t in their group. I looked around, taking notice of the dead, colorful leaves at my feet. Everyone knew that New England was gorgeous in the fall, tourists often came around this time to take pictures of the stunning trees, and the crystal blue water at the deserted beaches. I can’t help but smile at the memory of Brian Lewis and I at the beach three months ago. We loved going to the beach, with our group, and sometimes just the two of us. We would stay late, and watch the sunset fade to nothing as we talked for hours upon end about god knows what. We always had things to talk about, the two of us. I would be lying If I said I didn’t miss that, because I really did. The late night drives. Swimming in the ocean. Skating on the lake behind his house. Admiring outfits at the mall that we couldn’t afford. I missed it all. 

 

We drove to Chloe’s house, and ended up rummaging through her spacious closet. We were going to the coffee shop later, and Chloe wanted to change. I was going through various floral crop tops, in hopes that I'd find one to wear under my green coat. I was aware that it was around 50 degrees outside, but it looked fashionable. Definitely something different. Maybe I could give something different a try. I put it on and glanced at myself in the long mirror, pleased with how it looked on my slim body. 

I was just about to exit the room with my wallet in hand, when Chloe brought out a full bottle of store bought wine.. My breathing quickened. I had never drank before, and wasn’t prepared to start now, especially with these people. Lily shot a smile my way, and offered me a tiny glass of it. I could feel Chloe's eyes on me from across the room. I bravely declined, and walked out of the room surprisingly calm. Everyone watched me with looks of disgust, as I sat down on Chloe’s expensive couch in the other room, and waited there. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be with other people, other friends. I knew that If I had real friends like I used to they wouldn’t have judged me like that. They wouldn’t have expected me to drink, knowing that I was uncomfortable. Those girls, I realized, don’t care about how comfortable or uncomfortable you are. They don’t care how you’re feeling, or what you want to or don’t want to do. It was all part of being fake. 

 

    A time passed before they all came out of her room, and it didn’t look like anyone drank much of anything, I wondered why. We followed behind her, hopping into the car, and driving to the coffee shop. The second we walked into the small building, I spotted Elaine, Kasey and Brian sitting with another girl. Was that Melissa?  I cursed knowing that Elaine saw me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her judgemental frown, and turned away hoping she didn’t see the look on my face. She looked thinner than normal, and the huge bags under her eyes were highly visible. Her eyes were filled with stress, and I worried it was because of me. 

 

I looked at the smoothie menu, trying to distract myself, when Chloe came over and looked behind us, to where they were sitting. She started laughing, adding a rude side comment about Brian's outfit. I turned around, and faked a quick smirk for her satisfaction. I couldn’t care less what Brian was wearing, nor did I want to look at him. Seeing all of them in person again was too painful. I planned on avoiding them until the hurt faded away, it was all too fresh. I hoped Brian didn't see my smirk, but I knew it was a good possibility that he and the girls did. I pick up my drink, ready to get out of there, away from them, when out of nowhere, hot coffee was dumped on top of my head, burning both my eyes and skin. I dropped my bag and Ice Tea in a panic, not being able to see anything. 

 

Chloe’s loud Shriek sounded close to me, leading me to believe she must’ve been covered in it too. I swore quietly enough for only me to hear, attempting to wipe the liquid off with my shaking hands. It was a couple of seconds before I could see clearly again, and the first face I saw was Elaine’s. Shock rippled through me, as everyone in the shop stopped and stared. All I could see was red. Elaine stepped back, terrified, as if she had just realized what she did. She opened her mouth to speak, but  words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. 

   

“How dare you?” I yelled more angry than anything. She flinched back, almost surprised by my reaction, as a look of sadness came over her uniquely stunning face. I kept going. “What makes you think you can just walk up and do that to us, when all we’ve done is leave you alone?” She spoke up, but I cut her off. “It’s sad to think that I was ever even friends with you, I was always too good for you. You should care that nobody likes you, I know I would. Start caring, and don’t ever look or talk to me again.” I said.   

 

Feelings flowed out of me all at once. Fake feelings. Untrue words. But I didn’t care, I was so humiliated that she’d done that. It was much easier to pretend like I didn’t deserve any of it, even though I did. It was easier to play the victim then own up to all the horrible things I’ve done to Elaine. To Brian and Kasey. So I strutted out of the coffee shop, acting like I had just done something impressive. Something good. I couldn’t hear the words playing in the back of my mind, repeatedly telling me that I just lost the only people that really cared for me. The only people who knew me for me, and loved me because of it. There was no going back. I let go of all those memories that I was struggling to let go of. All of the guilt, and sadness about the person I’ve become faded to nothing. If I ever let those feelings resurface again, I’d never be able to live with myself. I couldn’t ignore how things were, so I decided not to. Chloe was crying and freaking out about her sweater, and the girls were attempting to calm her down. I went straight to the car, wanting to go home. Wanting to move on from all of this. 

 

I woke up the next morning to my youngest sibling screaming. That’s how it always was in the Thompson household. When your youngest sibling was five years of age, there was always some sort of screaming involved, like it or not. I’ve gotten used to it. I was about to get up, to get Breakfast downstairs when Mom came storming in with a look of pure anger plastered all over her face. At forty two, she looked nothing short of thirty thanks to good genes. With medium length curly brown hair, and startling brown eyes, I look like a ‘mini her’. Or at least that’s what everyone says. I definitely don’t look like my dad, who has ice blue eyes, and fading blonde hair, but my two younger sisters Sophia, and Brooke do. I’m about to speak, saying that I need to go and get ready for school, when she beats me to it. 

 

“Why am I getting emails notifying me that you’ve been missing classes, and detention? Surely your friends aren’t. I know Elaine would never.” She silently scolds. I glance downwards at the fact that she doesn’t know I have a new friend group. Was I supposed to tell her? I do tell her a lot. “I have a new group of friends, not that It matters though.” I muttered, and glanced up. She wore a shocked expression, asking about what happened to my old ones. I shrugged nonchalantly . “We grew apart, that’s all.” I stopped for a moment, not wanting to carry on the conversation too much longer. She was clearly confused by my reasoning. I think she knew deep down that it wasn’t true. Elaine, Brian and Kasey were all here less than two weeks ago. We were all laughing and smiling. She got up to go, seeing that I was uncomfortable, but stopped briefly at the door. It was only one phrase, but it stopped my heart.

 

 “Don’t be someone you’re not just to be popular. We both know that you’re better than that.” It was too late though. I was already someone I wasn’t. I already blew my chance, and I just had to live with that. I knew they wouldn’t take me back. I walked through the halls that day, feeling like a piece of crap, but not showing it. When I saw Elaine struggling to hold herself together in the hallway, I forced myself to wear a mask of amusement, for Chloe. I missed all of my classes. Just in the span of four days,  I was getting further and further away from Kaylie. From the girl who cared about school and grades. The girl who used to have real friends.  

 

Monday morning, I wake up, and put on a trendy shirt and Jeans that i bought the day before. I hopped into Chloe’s car, (a part of the usual morning routine) and I get a text from Elaine. At first, I had to check the number again, to make sure it was her, and then I saw the message. 

 

                                      Elaine at 8:03 am 

 

I don’t know If you’ll get this, but can you meet me outside of Mrs. Jean’s classroom before the bell rings? We need to talk. 

 

    After the shock wears off, I respond with “okay”. I didn’t tell anyone about the text, but they could tell something was off with me. Chloe turned around in her seat, at a stoplight, and asked why I was so quiet. I shrugged. I really shouldn’t be this shocked, If I were her I would want some closure too. But what was I going to say? Sorry for ditching you and our friends for the fake group of girls? 

 

    Ten minutes later, I told everyone I was going to use the bathroom, and they didn’t think anything of it. As i walked towards Mrs.Jean’s classroom, my whole body started to shake with nervousness. This could either go bad or good. Elaine was standing at the door, looking down at her phone, pretending to be interested in something. She was wearing a white t-shirt with a worn plaid shirt over it, covering her jeans. So alike her. The dark bags under her eyes were gone, just like the worry I saw in her eyes last week.  I could see the judgement and sadness in them, when she glanced up and saw what I was wearing. I subconsciously pulled my green jacket over my shirt in response. There was a moment of awkward silence before she talked, looking me straight in the eyes. 

 

   

“There are so many questions that I have, so many things I wish I could say to you, but I won’t. You betrayed us, and destroyed three years of friendship for Chloe Smith, the girl we used to laugh at for being fake. It’s funny because you’re fake now too. I hope one day you'll wake up and realize what you’ve done to yourself. I won’t be there when you do. I hope you get what you deserve.” Before I had a chance to say anything, she walked down the hallway, looking the most confident I've ever seen her. Feeling like I’ve just been punched in the gut, I walked towards the bathroom, tears spilling from my eyes. Emotions swirled, and I recognized that I had lost something truly valuable, a real friendship I could never get back.